1. 911 Call: Help I Ve Overdosed On Philosophy!
2. Self Help Specialist Ends Own Life
3. I Am A Trans-Continental Railroad, Please Run A Train On Me
4. Stop Calling Us Screamo
5. You Don T Understand The Liquor Is Calling The Shots Now Randy Bobandy
6. You Can T Get Goose Justice In Fox Court, Just Spit On The Judge
7. Atrocities From A Story Book Perspective
8. An Introduction For People Who Hate Introductions
9. Jimmy Buffett Doesn T Even Surf
10. Soap Opera Stardom Is A Single Tear Drop Away
11. Pep Talk From A Nihilist
12. Fashion Statements Of The Socially Aware
13. Absolutely Absolute Absolution